Remember that weird clickbaity trend of the mid-2010s where everything non-porn on the internet was, in some form or another, clickbait?
It was a dark era filled with quizzes “Which Disney Princess is most likely to beat you up in a parking garage?” factoids “You’ll never believe these three instruments were found in Benjamin Franklin’s ass…” and other assorted horrors “Tori Spelling’s latest announcement will shock you!”
It’s the 2020s now, but thankfully there are still some surprises left on the internet, namely – what the hell exactly is Plymouth Rock?
I was just settling down to bed when I did one last scroll through Twitter (I know, mistake) and came across this little gem – Plymouth Rock is not this majestic peninsula I’d always thought of, but this little zen garden lookin-ass-thing.
I had to look it up and verify (it is Twitter after all) and yep, sure enough, Plymouth Rock is something about the size of what you’d have in your backyard.
This didn’t happen by accident either.
Apparently the rock was originally at least 4x larger – it was split in half in 1774 when “some rebellious souls…erected a Liberty Pole” (not a euphemism) and broke in half again when they attempted to move it into a museum.
In fact, the only reason we know this is the Plymouth Rock is because of 94-year-old Thomas Faunce, who in 1741 wept openly over plans to build a wharf over the rock where he was told as a young boy that the Pilgrims landed upon.
In 1920, the 300th Anniversary of the Mayflower Landing, the architectural firm McKim, Mead, and White (who basically built half of New York) was tasked to build a special portico / observation deck to allow visitors to see the rock up close and be disappointed.
The problem with revisionist history like The 1619 Project is they could’ve gained a lot more traction analyzing obvious historical disappointments instead of pushing an agenda to get into classrooms.
What’s going to get a kid’s attention more: that they were told something a year before that actually turns out to be comically smaller than anticipated, or mind-numbing guilt between recess and lunch?
By the way, before the 1619 Project crowd gets any ideas – yes, it’s already been vandalized multiple times.
Which means this story does have one true hero: The Unknown Powerwasher!
